Hi, there. I’m Ted, and I’m wondering, “How are you handling this national time-out?”
Yes, I said "time out", because that’s what it really is, isn’t it? We have been sent to our rooms…we can’t go anywhere…we can’t see our friends…we can’t do the things we used to do. I’m thinking this is either what is called in modern disciplinary terms a “time out”, or as in former times, we’ve all been grounded.
I’ll let you in on a secret. I grew up in an era where children did not get time outs. I didn’t even get grounded much. I would be sent to my room at times, but more times than not, if punishment was needed, I was spanked or given some other type of “corporal punishment”. It was meted out quick and efficient, and just like that (snap of fingers), it was done and over with. Right there and then, I learned my lesson: I wouldn’t sass back to my Mom, I wouldn’t punch my brother (no matter how much he needed it, and had honestly asked for it), I wouldn’t tease my sister, and I would do my chores when asked or scheduled to. I would come home on time and I would definitely be a respectful and productive member of the family unit.
That’s the type of discipline I grew up with and was accustomed to. I carried a bit of that into my own parenting projects but mellowed in time and moved toward the reduction or removal of privileges. My daughter, the oldest, was one of those children who would repeatedly get herself grounded…for life. Though, of course, it only lasted about two weeks at most, before she went buggy and took us with her. My son learned from close observation of his older sibling’s antics and flew his many stunts a little more below the radar, though he did have his moments.
What we, as parents did learn along the way, was that you had to find what would be a true punishment for the individual. Taking the phone away was akin to tearing out one’s heart while it had little or no impact on the other. Taking away video games, however, was just the opposite in our family. It’s sad to say, but to become an effective non-physical disciplinarian, one has to turn into an expert in dealing out psychological pain, and that’s the honest truth. Most parents, after raising teenagers effectively, are immensely qualified for teaching an advanced PhyOps class in a war college. No Bond villain to date has anything on a seasoned parent, until recent days.
In recent days, time outs have become the norm, but from the behavior of many children I have seen, time outs don’t seem to work too well, though now I’m seriously wondering why? Here we are, Americans all, being put into a Great Time Out by a microscopic but powerful virus and if you are anything like myself and those around me, you are not handling it well. This time out is driving me batty! It’s getting to my wife! It’s getting to a lot of people I know and it’s doing so in many different ways. So honestly, this time out is definitely working on me.
I have to admit here that I am retired. I haven’t worked a steady job for three years, now. I am also more of an introvert than not. Those things being taken into consideration, you’d think that I would be able to handle this virally driven time out thing pretty well. But I’m not handling it well at all, and it took me a while to figure out why. Along with other considerations, I have ADHD. A few weeks back I stumbled on an article that talked about this. The ADHD mind desires…no CRAVES external stimulation, and it craves a lot of it. So, though I can be on my own much of the time, I need mental “Input” as I call it. After reading the aforementioned article, I had need of going out into the world to get a few hardware items at a local “Man Store”. You know, “man store”? Any number of builders’ supply places and what not? For me, in my area, they are Home Depot, Menards, Lowes, Fleet Farm, Northern Tool, Harbor Freight, Ace Hardware, and of course, Cabela’s and the Harley Dealership. Honestly, most of these have remained open in my state being deemed essential services. Being my age, however and having some health considerations, I have avoided as much external contact as possible, so I have stayed away from any public place out of a desire for self-preservation. Having lots of time on my hands, though I’ve been trying to catch up on home projects and found that I needed a few small things to accomplish my mission. After wrestling with the quandary for a while, I finally decided to put a mask on and risk a short hop into Home Depot. If I made it quick, didn’t dilly dally, or dawdle, and kept safe distances from everyone else, I was pretty convinced that I would come out unexposed and uninfected. Stepping inside the store, my eyes and brain were dazzled with an unbelievable onslaught of sights, sounds and smells, the sorts of which I had not, till this moment, realized I had sorely missed and hungered for during this time of separation. I could smell the paint, both latex and spray enamel. I could smell the garden center. I could even smell the tool section many rows away. Yes, tools have a smell. They have a lovely, tantalizing smell, both hand tools and power tools in their own right.
Stopping myself, trying to clear my head and keep on task, I started toward the hardware section and the items I had come for. To do this, I had to walk past the paint section. As I did, I saw the paint brushes and froze in place. Now remember, this is an ADHD brain we are talking about here. It has its own unique way of looking at, interpreting and processing the world around it. My eyes fixed on what most other people would easily pass by. They fixed on the paint brushes. There were hundreds of paint brushes…of all sizes, shapes and qualities. My eyes darted back and forth over all of them.
Now, get this straight. I had not come for paint brushes. I also have a goodly collection of paint brushes of all types, sizes and qualities at home. I did not need paint brushes at all! In thinking about this later, I realized what I did need was external stimulation for my brain. Something I had not gotten for weeks and my brain being so ravenous for it, would accept a collection of paint brushes to satiate its craving. Pathetic if you think about it, but true. Then, of course my brain, like a starving person at an all you can eat buffet started screaming MORE. Give me MORE! I wanted to run up and down every aisle looking at all the shiny, pretties that were on display as if they had been placed there for my own personal feasting. I did just that, but only for a short while, until I was able to pull myself together, regain control and put myself back on the track of my earlier plans and considerations for health and safety.
As I returned home, I realized that the short session at the Man Store had alleviated some of the anxiety I had been experiencing during this period of Time Out. I also realized that over the past weeks, my non-neurotypical brain had been trying to soothe the hunger in other, not so effective ways. My brain has historically had the tendency to dive into new interests and new hobbies headfirst and neck deep from time to time, getting fully wrapped up in the researching and undertaking of them. This is a type of hyper focus that ADHD brains do. I have such a history of submerging myself into such new hobbies, I call myself a professional dilettante (dabbler for those who don’t know the term). This practice only happens from time to time during normal life circumstances, but with this shut down and isolation, I’ve been wearing myself out going from one new interest to another…to another. I have been so involved with this process that I have thought that I reached the end of YouTube more than once, only to stumble onto yet another intriguing thing out there that I have yet to attempt along with some that I have already tried but decided to visit again.
One of the big ones has been braiding whips out of paracord. That’s right, whips, and yes, it is a thing. Just check out YouTube. So, I’ve been making whips, like bull whips and other types. I’ve made five, and when trying to finish a sixth, I developed tendonitis in one hand to the point I had to relinquish the pursuit, only to find and take up another…and of course, another. So, to make a short story long, my ADHD is going Willie Wonka on me and it’s unbelievably stressful and anxiety producing! That’s how this National Time Out has affected me. I believe it’s affected everyone, though in different ways. Some people are worried about getting the virus themselves…some to the point of being emotionally hampered if not crippled. Some are depressed and don’t fully realize why. Many are understandably blown away by the loss of income, especially on a personal economy that may have been unstable at best. Others have not lost their jobs, but maybe have to work with the new restrictions that have come into practice and the fear that every day, they may get infected. Others are in the healthcare field in some way or another and are actually faced with career and/or life choices every day. Others are angry. Some just because they think their rights are being taken away, while others don’t really know why they are angry. They just are. Some people are drinking more or doing drugs more. Sobrieties have faltered. Domestic violence is on the rise. And love ones and friends are dying.
We’ve been put in a Time Out and we don’t fully grasp the reality, or the why, or that it affects us all. It affects us all differently, but we have to realize and admit that it affects us all deeply.
As I said earlier, I don’t fully understand why time outs don’t seem to be a very effective discipline tool. I know it’s definitely working on me. I’m to the point that I want to scream, “Whatever I’ve done, I won’t do it again. I’ll behave! I’ll be good! Honest! Just let me out of this Time Out and back into my life again! Please!”
But I realize it can’t work this way. No, for the sake of all, it really can’t…not yet. So, I guess I’ll…we’ll have to learn to accept it and figure out how to deal with it.
And one final word. If it is affecting you in a way that hurts you or those around you, please admit it…address it…and get help if you need it. There is help for you, though it may have to be through virtual and video means. Get the help!
Take care, all of you. We are all in this Weird New World situation, and though we may be separated and at a distance, we are still in it together.
