Saturday, December 12, 2015

I'm Dreaming of a Weird Christmas Tree Ornament


While decorating the tree this year, I started wondering if other people have weird ornaments like we do.

 I’m not talking the ugly dried marshmallow snowman that one of the children brought home from kindergarten, or the strange needle point and pipe cleaner bee that Aunt whatshername made for everyone one year and checked to see if you put it on the tree every time she came to visit.  I’m talking about weird ornaments with a capital “W” that you and your family purposefully chose to put on the tree.

We went through a phase with the children that we would work to find a special ornament that would commemorate that year.  We would mark the year on it and hang it on the tree.  We did that for years with some truly strange results.  One year, of course, we found an ornament with Santa kneeling at the manger.  That was nice.  The next year, however,  we found an ornament that looked like a drunken reindeer with angel wings riding a shooting star like a carnival ride.  See what I mean?  Have any of you done that?  Just wondering.

Here’s a list of some of the stranger ornaments we have come across.
We have a Santa pig riding a giant ear of corn like a rocket ship on top of a wagon.  This one looks like a float in a parade in Iowa or Nebraska.

We have a strange dragonfly fairy with moving arms and legs that looks more like it would be found down the rabbit hole than in a Christmas scene.
To celebrate my Southern roots, I guess, we have a Santa Face made out of a dried Okra pod.  I think it’s a waste of good Okra myself.
We also, have milder ones like a tear drop camper ornament.  That’s kinda cute, actually.

My father-in-law got into the act for a few years and gave me…
A big bull frog ornament dressed up like a fly fisherman
A Turkey dressed up like a hunter.  Get it?  Turkey hunter?  Yeah, he’s funny that way.
And another weird turkey hunting themed ornament.

Don’t get me wrong, we have plenty of the “normal” Christmassy themed ornaments, but they just seem to fade in comparison to the “other” ornaments on the tree.  I mean, how can you calmly settle your brains and have dreams of sugar plums when you know such things as a…
Flying Angel Armadillo,
a Spooky Druid Claus made out of a birch branch with cardinals nested in knot holes in the abdomen of his branch body, 
Or a bizarre Drum with spindly legs and arms and very strange face coming out of the side of the drum, 
…are out there hanging on your tree, waiting to turn your peaceful Christmas slumber into something akin to a drug induced nightmare?

Next year, maybe just a pre-lit tree with round balls in a monochromatic theme.  Admittedly, not much character, but maybe I’ll be able to sleep during the season.

And to all a good night!